Don’t Trap Yourself in Something You Don’t Love

I have a strange relationship with track and field. 

Back in middle school my best friend Pam convinced me to join the track team with her. We just enjoyed running… whenever we had to run the mile we were HELLA PUMPED and ran together. Well, correction: she always ran faster and I just huffed and puffed along behind her...for like 100 meters *cough*. We had after school practices almost everyday and I SWEAR-- I SWEARRRRRRR IT WAS HELL. The weather was always so hot that it felt like I was running in a fire (and I mean, my lungs didn’t do that well either). It’s actually hilarious looking back because practices in high school weren't that bad, but I remember dying during the middle school practices. I never put my hair up to run, I had to wear the ghetto PE clothes, and everyone knew I was slow as hell. 

But I loved running. 

The summer before freshman year I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do track because I was afraid I couldn’t handle the time management. Pamela went to the summer practices and again eventually convinced me to go with her. There were 2 teams at practice, the track team and the cross country team. Track season wasn’t until 2nd semester but Coach Nelson–– bless Coach Nelson–– allowed some people to condition during cross country season (so we were in 7th period XC, but training for track). This really helped because I wouldn’t have worked out on my own BHAHAHAHA; I only worked out at practice because I was told what to do/had expectations to do it (AKA there was a fear of authority). 

It was such a new and scary experience… my tiny muscles have never ever lifted weights, and my flower-field brain never used or seen cardio machines… even worse, I didn’t know anyone. That’s where I met THE DREAM TEAM TRACk TEAM (my senior friends): Jason, Cassie, Elijah, Maggie, and Matt. I looked up to them because they were our leaders, and I just felt…. accepted. They always made me laugh, and they inspired me to one day be a motivating upperclassman just like them. The off season track team during freshman year was the B E S T; it was mostly those seniors and only 3 freshmen (Pam, Tejan, and me), and we all grew close together. We lost our souls while running and we enjoyed our shin splints and we all became burnt chicken nuggets in the sun. 

The actual track season was not that great. We didn’t have an official track coach (Coach Nelson focused on cross country), and the seniors had to give us workouts. Also, everything was unorganized, and Pam left track. I decided to stay and it was quite a lonely time. The initial off season group never really got together again as we all had different events to focus on, but they will always have a place in my heart. 

Sophomore year was about the same. Pam decided to return to track, and we joined for off season once again. We formed a new group of friends and bonded together. When track season came around, we finally got a coach, and yeah he was pretty good/what we needed; the workouts were super difficult and a lot was expected out of us. But…. all I remember from sophomore year track was unhappiness. 

I don't even remember having fun when I ran that year. The last day I ever enjoyed track was before the season even began. I had my first (and only) numbing ice bath with my friends to recover our leg muscles. We joked over how pale my feet were (seriously, like transparent) and how bad our tans were. After, we drew the hands of creation with chalk at the track (ooooo graffiti at the school??? yessirrrr). I killed two birds with one stone that day because I got to create an artwork with my TRACK MOM Devin, and I finally fulfilled my dream to do a small mural type artwork with chalk. That was the best day ever, and the last day I’d ever feel joy being a part of track.

Middle school track may have been difficult with running, but sophomore year track drained all my energy and my happiness to the last drop. Now, listen. I’m not complaining about the workouts...they were really good and beneficial. But….

1. We had to wear sweats and a sweatshirt everyday to practice even when it was hot in the beginning of the season. We just love being insecure in leggings am I right. 

2. Practices went on to 5 or 5:30 or 6. And you know why??? The coach wasted our time a lot (at least, this is how I felt) because after a difficult (but good) workout, he’d gather everyone and just talk, talk with someone, make us wait, etc etc. 

3. I literally ran in the rain. Every. Day. My clothes were always soaked and LET ME TELL YOU. RUNNING IN THE RAIN SOUNDS ALL FUN AND COOL BUT NOT WHEN YOU HAVE GLASSES OKAY. I basically ran without my EYES because RAIN DROPLETS WOULD COLLECT ON MY LENSES. Or they would FOG UP and I couldn't SEE.  

4. I literally-- for one of our practices we literally ran up a mountain like 100 times. No, sorry--- not a mountain---A DAMN STEEP ROCK LADDER. And my brother had to drive like 30 MINUTES TO GET THERE. The amount of times I slipped omg. 

5. The coach had favorites. He said he didn't, but you could tell. And he was kinda mean… if you quit he would refer to you as “Quitter”, if you were injured he’d be mad at you, etc etc. He only cared about the varsity kids or the ones who were really good. Maybe it was also the team, but I just always felt alone and left out. Even if Pamela was there, we were never really together because we had different events. 

Here are some rants about that new coach: one time, I had to talk to him, and I was approaching him, and he saw me, we made eye contact, and he ignored me and walked past me. Oh! OH! Multiple times, I’d stand right next to him to ask a question, and he’d be on his phone or something, or talking to the assistant coach, and he'd make me wait a long time before even acknowledging me. One time, before our 1st meet, he had a pretty big meeting with the track team to talk about who was running what events. Tell me why I was the only uninjured actual hard working athlete he just left out. I sat there next to the group of injured athletes who couldn't run, while the rest of the team gathered with the coach and were given events. I never ever complained, and sorry but, there were so many people who complained. I never ever said I was injured even when I felt pain. I always always showed up to practice even when it was hard to get rides. 

Sophomore year track was just not it for me. I didn’t win or place in any of my events. I worked so hard. I got taken out of high jump and my favorite event, the 4x1 relay. I barely had any events. I had to sit there at invitational meets for hours wasting my precious time to run one event at the end or beginning. I understand it's good to support your teammates, but I just felt like my time was being stolen away from me. 

With all that complaining out of the way, the only best thing about that season was probably having Pamela and Jacob by my side. I did make a couple of new friends, and I did learn that I have a willpower made out of uNBREAKABLE STEEL. Sigh, but all my positivity was just drained. All my energy had been drained. 

Being lowkey scarred by my experience, I was a bit iffy to return to track junior year. Pamela was also iffy. We went to a couple practices during the summer but we were very inconsistent. Junior year I wanted to take psychology so I didn’t join 7th period (for off season); I just went to workout after school, but it felt very very different. That year I didn’t have a group. I was alone. Going after school had different vibes, and I had to stay longer at school. BAHAHHA, I got my first taste of freedom (going straight home after school ended) and I didn’t want to go back to the old days. 

I thought I was going to commit with all the effort I put in over the years, but I ended up deciding I didn’t want to do it again. I just didn’t have fun running or working out anymore. Maybe I got lazy? Maybe it was because I felt like I wasn’t getting that much support? But not going back was one of the best choices I’ve ever made. I spent my time hanging out with my friends, being more active with my clubs, volunteering, stuffing my face, and most importantly, feeling happy and energized once again. My junior year ended up being the best year, and I tried so many new things like performing at Lip Sync, taking graphic design, running for vice president of Key club……. I felt like I was actually finally living my life as a high schooler. 

Even if I didn’t have the best experience, I don’t regret my time in track. 

Track helped me to stay fit. It helped me to learn how to bond with people. It helped me clear my mind and learn that I can overcome challenges. It also gave me the cool title of “student athlete”. Do you understand how much power you feel when someone asks you, “What period do you have PE?” and you reply, “Oh, hoho,  I’m actually in a sport”. POwer I tell you. Power. The clout. Jokes aside, I made many meaningful memories and close friends who helped me grow as a person. Track will always be something I hold close to my heart, and running will always be something I enjoy. 

Track helped me to realize that I should never ever keep doing something I don’t want to do. I deserve to be happy, have fun, and love what I do. 

I learned that no matter how long you’ve been dedicated to *that* thing, you should never trap yourself in something you don’t love doing.