lil writing dump

What broke your heart

• My aunt passed away recently. I live with my grandma, and watching her grieve is the hardest thing. And to hear my grandma say that no one will be able to understand her is the most crushing feeling. And for me, I literally remember just recently how my aunt held my hand and told me to do well. And she even gave me some money, even though she wasn't working.

• Being called whitewashed actually unexpectedly hurt my feelings big time; kinda surprised myself BHABHABHA.

Waking up elsewhere

• I don’t know if the feeling is the same because I haven't slept over/slept anywhere else, but I can remember how weird it is waking up someplace thats not my house. One time when I was little, when I was staying at my dad’s house (mind you, I’ve never stayed at his house before), it was just a really….. I can’t think of any word other than weird. Just that feeling of laying there, looking at a plain dark ceiling, alone, listening to a ticking clock….spooky.

What are you most afraid people are thinking when they get to know you?

• I don't want to come across as annoying, or too full of myself/egotistical. Sometimes I feel like I talk about myself too much or I just flex too much. Which is funny because I didn't do that until recently, where I've been feeling like I need to appreciate myself more and not bring myself down. I always try to be upbeat and I get loud and just hype up the group/whoever I am with. I don't want them to think I'm being fake or something because I can be super upbeat or just super chill/quiet. Yes my moods can be really different but I genuinely am happy when I am....

• It's a 50/50 fear because sometimes I get the mindset of: I don't care what people think. Ahhh I guess it depends. I know everyone probably feels the same; they don't want to be annoying to people.

• This fear might come from when I was in elementary/middle school, when I heard someone I liked say I was annoying. THAT HURRTTTSSSSSSS. ay but I know now that I'm not. Slowly I've been learning not to care about what people say.