Things I Wish I Told You

2021/02/02

Dear Coach Nelson,

I’m sorry that I never got to say these things to you in person. I know that I

saw you just 4 months ago, and it would have been the perfect time to catch up. I’ve been regretting that lately. I wish I went up to you before leaving to say bye. Thank you for giving me those paper flowers you made that day; they are still hanging up on my wall. They are right next to the baton you gave me for track.

I wish that I told you “thank you” more. Because I truly truly appreciate you. Did you know that you were the first and only coach I ever felt like actually cared about me? All my middle school years in track, I just felt lost and insignificant in the crowd. But I still loved to run. Thanks to you, coming into highschool, I was able to spend my freshman and sophomore years training with amazing people and make lasting memories. Those summer days where the whole team worked their butts off….sigh, those were really fun days.

Thanks to you, I also learned to believe in myself. As cliche as that sounds. You always saw potential in me, that I myself didn’t believe I had. Do you remember in freshman year when you wrote me down to go to CIF for high jump? I still kind of regret turning you down on that, but it was because I didn’t believe in myself. I could barely jump like 3 ft, but you thought I was good enough to compete at such a big meet/competition. Do you remember when you chose me to be one of the representatives for the Girls Got Game event? I can’t believe that out of all the girls on the team --out of all the faster, more determined runners-- you chose me. I remember around the last practices I went to, you stayed behind to train me (because I went after school), and I got a MADDDDD CRAMP in my leg. You stayed to help my leg get back to normal and reassured me. I also remember when I gave you that little thank you card, and you laminated it and made it into a pin. It was really wholesome to see you so happy... and you even wore it on a random day and it was so cute. I felt like it must have really meant a lot to you. I’m glad.

I always feel guilty to you for not returning to track my junior and senior year. It wasn't you who made me fall out of love with track, please know that. Although I do wish you remained the track coach (because the other coaches just drained me and made me feel so insignificant),, I know how hard it must have been for you to lead both cross country and track. You never missed a day of practice and you always stayed behind late to make sure everyone got home. I appreciate that so much. I respect you so much. I feel guilty because I feel like maybe you had hope in me to stay all four years. Like I was supposed to be that one athlete that came out on top in the end. The day I went to you to tell you that I wasn’t returning made me really sad. I wish I talked to you more about it that day. It just felt so quick and too easy to let go.

You taught me to be stronger. You taught me to work hard. Even in those moments where I felt like I was on my last breath, in the end I always learned that things would work out and I would feel better again. You always brought laughter and creativity in the workouts we did, and you would always think about what would be best for us.

I keep thinking about how unfair it is.

It’s still just a shock to me.

All I do is just sit around and I can’t help but think about all the memories that I had with you and the team. I keep thinking about it all the time. And when I “forget” I’m always reminded.

You are someone that I will never ever be able to forget. The years I grew up with you have been the most formative years for me and I’ve received so much. Everyone has received so much from you. You are the best mentor I’ve ever had.

I wish I told you this more Coach. But thank you.

For everything.