While I’m Young

When I was young I would stay with you sometimes.

I have faint memories of the movies you’d leave on 

while you’d go to work. 

You’d give me your phone to play games 

during long car rides.

I remember you saying good night, 

And I’d lay there having trouble falling asleep 

in your house, where I’ve never been before.

When I was young I would stare through the display, 

with all the robot models you’d build, 

and I would be impressed by your mechanical skills. 

I always heard stories of you as a child, 

someone who danced with their friends 

and fixed bikes and other things in the house.

I started to build robot models too, 

so I could feel a bit closer to you. 

So we could have something similar.

When I was young you’d always come visit.

I stayed with grandma and grandpa, 

And you’d always be late driving all the way from L.A.

You’d shower me with gifts and new phones, 

and always asked me if I wanted anything. 

I realize now it was probably because of guilt, 

for not being there as I grew up. 

When I was young I remember the first time you got mad at me.

We were never together that often where you would be mad,

but after Mom came to visit me for the first time, 

you sounded really angry on the phone, 

insisting she wasn’t my mom. 

I guess you didn’t want me knowing the type of person she was, 

and you just wanted to protect me from pain.

When I was young I remember I was afraid of going outside. 

So when you took Ken and I to dinner, I could barely eat, 

because of a nervous and paranoid feeling in my gut,

A feeling that made me feel like I would throw up. 

I started feeling that way after we went to children’s court,

Where grandma and grandpa received legal guardianship over me. 

Where I learned that mom had been a drug addict, 

and not right in her mind. 

When I was young I would remember you introducing me to someone new, 

and I barely realized that they were your girlfriends at the time. 

I never really understood the concept of “mom” and “dad”; 

I honestly never really thought about it

as I had a happy life with grandparents. 

Now you’ve gotten married again, with someone I like too. 

I’m happy that you are happy, 

because as you deserve to be. 

While I’m still young, Dad, I hope that we can get closer together. 

I still feel kind of distant, 

a little bit awkward, 

like I don’t know how to act around you. 

You don’t need to buy me things to tell me you love me. 

You don’t need to feel bad for anything.

I just want to let you know that.

I will always love you lots, no matter what.